Best Deal Stop

Fear not, fans of terrible football teams!

Just because you buy a TV doesn’t mean you HAVE to watch crappy football.

So you decided this was the year. You went out, bought yourself a fancy television with some bells and whistles, and called your local cable or satellite dish provider to ask for whatever they call the NFL’s extremely-overpriced programming package to get all the games.

Then your favorite team tanked its first four games and you can’t even bring yourself to watch them any more, because your doctor says the rage is going to induce a heart attack.

That’s why you should have opted for something like this Toshiba 24” LED-LCD DVD Combo! It’s got all the stuff you’re looking for: 1080p HD, Dynalight to automatically adjust the backlight intensity based on what’s on-screen, and a view mode that displays the 3-5% of the image you normally lose during over-scanning on other televisions. The game would look great on it!

But since the team sucks so bad this year, you can pop in a DVD and watch that instead!

Warranty: 1 Year Toshiba

Condition: New

Features:

• 1080p Full HD, the highest level of HD picture quality available today
• Built-in DVD player means no wires, no clutter, and no fuss. Streamline your entertainment and easily pop in your favorite DVDs, transforming your living space into a mini-home cinema
• DynaLight automatically adjusts the backlight intensity based on the image content
• Native mode displays the 3% to 5% of the image that is generally lost during the normal over-scanning that is done in most TVs
• Gaming mode enhances the gaming experience by reducing game controller delay
• USB port allows access to JPEG or MP3 files
• Toshiba is committed to playing a leading role in helping establish a sustainable society with this energy saving TV - Energy Guide

Additional Photos:

• I/O Ports
• Remote Sensor
• Remote Control
• Package Contents
• Packaging

In the box:

• Toshiba 24SLV411U 24” 1080p LED-LCD HDTV with Built-In DVD Player
• Stand with Hardware Screws
• Remote Control
• (2) AAA Batteries
• AC Adapter

photo credit: NathanReed

Burying The Hatchet

Cheap, but not as cheap as your love for me turned out to be.

Hey, Maria. I know it must be pretty weird getting a package from me left just outside the door of the hotel room you and I were supposed to be enjoying the first night of our married life together in. Imagine how weird it was for me to hear you and Steve (His name is Steve, right? Everything happened so fast, you know?) had the solid brass nerves to stay there! But it’s cool. Sure, your decision to leave me at the altar and crush my heart and dreams simultaneously in front of our friends and family was rough, but I figure there’s no reason to be bitter about it. You’re obviously happier and I, probably after a lot of time and therapy, will be, too. Eventually. I guess. Why hold grudges?

So, you’re not going to find some crazy cry for help or something in the little box attached to this letter. No, I’m taking the high road and giving you the Flip MinoHD 4GB Camcorder (current generation, by the way) I bought to capture all of the amazing honeymoon moments I was sure we were going to have together. You know, as a married couple. See, after I heard that you took the tickets to Mexico so that you and Scott (Samuel? Sancho?) could run off there, I figured I sure as heck didn’t need to record high-quality H.264 videos in 16:9 widescreen and HD 720p at 60 frames per second. You two probably need 4GB of internal storage and a rechargeable internal Lithium-ion battery as you start your new life together. Oh, and don’t worry about the cost, ‘cause this thing was a steal at only forty bucks! It was totally the least expensive thing associated with the Wedding That Didn’t Happen that I spent a few thousand dollars paying for. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Just remember to upload your videos using the pre-loaded FlipShare™ software so you can post them to Facebook™, Twitter™ and YouTube™, okay? That way if people ask me uncomfortable questions about what happened, I can just provide them a link to a web page!

Just one thing, though: you’ll probably want to delete the hour long video of me sitting on the steps of the church screaming “WHY?” and pleading with God himself to bring you back at the top of my lungs until the cops showed up. You could watch it on the 2” anti-glare color display, sure, but it might only bring you and Sean (Seth? Scout?) down. And hey, let’s all get coffee or something together when you get back into town, okay? I’ll even bring all two hundred and fifty of the special “Maria and David FOREVER” candle holders you picked out so you can have them. After all, that’s what friends do for each other, right?

Warranty: 1 Year Cisco

Condition: New

Features:

• Shoot up to 1 hour of incredible HD video on the easy-to-use MinoHD
• Pre-loaded FlipShare™ software makes it simple to organize, edit and share your videos
• The sleek and slim design fits in any pocket or purse so you can carry it anywhere
• Power on, press record and start filming – it’s that simple
• Comes with 4GB of built-in memory; no additional memory needed
• Charge the internal Lithium-Ion battery through the built-in USB arm; also recharges quickly when connected to Flip Video Power Adapter (not included)
• Watch your videos on the 2” anti-glare color display
• Connect the flip-out USB arm directly into your PC or Mac to launch pre-loaded FlipShare software
• Use FlipShare software to organize and edit your videos, capture photos, add your own music, and create custom movies
• Watch your videos on your HDTV by connecting your MinoHD to your HDTV with the Flip Video Cables HDMI (not included) or wirelessly through FlipShare TV (not included)
  
• Flat-back panel with touch-sensitive, backlit buttons
• Records high-quality H.264 videos that are compatible with most video-playing applications, including Windows Media Player, QuickTime Player and iTunes
• Video: 16:9 widescreen, HD 720p (1280 x 720) at 60 frames per seconds (fps) progressive scan; recorded as MP4 files
• Organize your videos by dragging and dropping into folders you’ve created, or use the automatic date-stamped folders
• Create video greeting cards or use the Magic Movie feature to make movies with the click of a button
• Capture photos using the easy Snapshot feature: You can grab a still-image photo from any of the 60 frames that comprise each second of your video
• Share videos privately using FlipShare’s attachment-free email or by creating Flip Channels; post publicly with direct video shares to Facebook™, Twitter™ and YouTube™
• Dimensions: 3.94” x 1.97” x 0.63”
• User’s Guide

Additional Photos:

• USB Arm Extended
• HDMI Port & Tripod Mount
• Power Button
• Package Contents
• Packaging

In the box:

• Flip M3160B MinoHD 4GB 60min Camcorder
• Soft Protective Case
• Wrist Strap
• User Guide

After The Divorce

Glow sticks are the perfect way to keep your child safe… while still making an indirect comment about the state of the music industry.

Hello, Barry? It’s Irene. No, don’t “Irene who” me, Barry, it’s your ex-wife Irene. Yeah, THAT Irene, exactly. The one raising your kid. Your kid who is currently trying to shave a bald spot into the top of her head so that she can go trick-or-treating as “a raver who didn’t know when to quit.”

Barry, I don’t care how many times you turned down Pitchfork when they begged you to write for them, this is our daughter! And maybe you see a pack of twenty four 4” Glow Sticks as some post-ironic way to make a statement about why Nirvana is more important than Kanye West or something… no, Barry, that wasn’t an invitation to start explaining things to me because I don’t care. What I care about is keeping our daughter safe on Halloween, and that’s why I bought these glow sticks in the first place!

They’re easy to activate, and they all have lanyards and a hanger so I can tie them to her jacket or just let her hold them, and then I can see her from the other side of the lawn. I figured they might also be fun for slumber parties and- Barry, look, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter that Lady Gaga is just following the imagery previously laid out by David Bowie, nobody cares about that, Barry. Do you know what your daughter wanted to be two weeks ago? A fairy princess! And then you took her to that record fair and she comes home talking about, hang on, what did you say, darling? Oh, right, thank you, she said she wants to “explore a KLF-like deconstruction of the concept of past-its-prime Detroit Techno in an era when sampling has rendered genre obsolete.” Yes, I fully believe that YOU don’t see anything wrong with that idea, Barry, but she’s eight! EIGHT! For her, twenty four glow sticks shouldn’t be deconstructing anything! They should just be plain and simple fun!

Look, seriously, I. Do. Not. Care what Lester Bangs would have said about this. Just tell your daughter you think it’s okay that she wants to dress up like a fairy princess and let her have a Halloween without losing all her friends. No, Barry, it doesn’t matter how you justify it to yourself as a critic. Put on a copy of Lionheart or something. Just get it done, okay? Okay, thank you. I’ll bring her by after dinner so you can talk. We’ll see you then, Barry. Goodbye.

Condition: New

Recommended Ages: 3 Years and Up

Features:

• Great for parties, celebrations, camping, outdoor activities and much more
• Perfect for Halloween!
• Easy to Use: Just bend and shake to activate glow stick
• Each Glow Stick has a lanyard and hanger for easy wearability or attachment
• Lanyard has a break-away safety clasp
• Hanger is able to be removed
• 2 Glow Sticks per pack- 12 packs total

Additional Photos:

• We can't hear you over the insanely loud bass!
• Glow Sticks with Hangers (attached) and Lanyards
• Package Contents
• Packaging

Technical Specifications:

• Glow Stick Dimensions: 4” L x 0.38” D
• Lanyard Length: 25”

Important Safety Information

• Keep product in its original foil package until ready to use. Do not puncture or cut plastic tube. Contents are non-flammable and non-toxic but may permanently stain clothing and furniture. Do not leave glow stick in direct sunlight or expose to high temperatures. In case of skin or eye contact, rinse thoroughly with water. Ingredients will not cause injury to the eye, but may cause temporary discomfort. Do not drink or ingest.

In the box:

• Darice 4” Assorted Color Glow Sticks w/ Lanyards & Hangers - 24 Count (12 2-Packs)
  - (2) Yellow Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Green Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Red Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Purple Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Orange Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Blue Glow Sticks – 2 Packs

Oh quit whining.

Look, do you want a dentist who’s conventional or a dentist who gets the job done?

Just calm down, Jerry. I know it can be tough adjusting to a new dentist, but I assure you I’m completely qualified to-

“Get the hell away from me with that thing!”

Relax! This is just a SOG PowerLock EOD Multi-Tool with a Leather Sheath. I use it all the time.

“You’re insane!”

Am I? Would you rather I use a drill? A tiny, diamond-tipped drill spinning at thousands of RPM? That sounds safer to you?

“I don’t know. I just figured you’d use, like…dental instruments.”

Nah! This has everything I need! I’ve got pliers, grippers, wire cutters-

“Why would you need wire cutters?!”

Better to have ‘em and not need ‘em! Now come on, let’s take a look at that abscess.

“What is that?!”

This? This is just a crimper. It’s not gonna hurt you.

“It’s not?”

No. I’m not even gonna use it! Now the awl; that’s probably gonna hurt.

Warranty: Limited Lifetime SOG

Condition: New

Features:

• Using the proven PowerLock chassis, SOG is the only company to apply Compound Leverage technology to Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD)
• Compound Leverage generates more plier gripping, wire cutting, and wire crimping power than all other designs
• Positioning the crimper device within the confines of the handles serves to minimize collateral damage to the crimper and allows the operator to have full use of the uninterrupted plier surface
• The crimper produces non-flaring, high pull-out strength crimps that meet government fuse well specifications
• The Double Tooth Saw design features an alternating tooth design that allows the saw to grip while, at the same time, reducing friction for optimal performance
• Multi-Tool Components: pliers, grippers, wire cutters, crimpers, blast cap crimper, handle covers, piano locks, ruler, 2.5” wood saw, awl, large screwdriver, Philips screwdriver, can opener/small screwdriver, 3-sided file, scissors, 1/4” socket drive, bottle opener/medium screwdriver and 1/2 serrated blade

Additional Photos:

• SOG PowerLock EOD Multi-Tool
• Compound Leverage
• Handle Cover
• Piano Locks
• Package Contents
• Packaging

Specifications:

• Closed: 4.6”
• Open: 7”
• Weight: 9.6 oz
• Head Type: Needle Nose
• Steel: Stainless
• Finish: Black Oxide
• Sheath: Leather

In the box:

• SOG B61L PowerLock EOD Multi-Tool
• Leather Sheath

Mirror, Mirror

Don’t reflect on your old computer, Grandpa. This new Samsung I got you is great!

Happy birthday, Grandpa! Mom will be here soon, she just needs to run to the store to get a birthday cake for your surprise party. No, not a surprise for you, Grandpa. It’s more of a surprise for us that you even made it another year… wait, that came out wrong. What I meant was we’re surprised that you even remember your own name, let alone that it’s your birthday… huh, that sounds just as bad… Hey, let’s change the subject! I got you a present!

What is it? Why it’s a Samsung 15.3” Core i7 Laptop computer, Grandpa! What do you mean you don’t need a computer after I gave you one last Christmas? You still use that mirro… or, um, Mirror-Tech Tablet? Oh, don’t worry about that, Grandpa. The Samsung is better.

Check this out: it has an Intel Core i7 Processor with 2GHz of speed, so you’ll be able to do all sorts of cool stuff on here, Grandpa. Umm, well, no, it can’t run your two favorite programs from the Mirror-Tech, Look At My Face and Is There Stuff Between My Teeth. And no, you can’t initiate Baseball-Cap-Mode in any program simply by putting on the Hat-Tron Head-Piece that I got you for Easter.

But, Grandpa, it’s got a WiMAX and Wi-Fi combo adapter! This thing is internet-ready! Yeah, I know the Mirror-Tech could get online, but the internet is… different on this Samsung. For starters, you don’t need to actually stand up and walk around to explore websites like you did with the Mirror-Tech. Also, you can look at sites on any topic, not just ones that correspond to rooms in your house like livingroom.com or, your favorite, coatcloset.com.

And it’s even got a built-in 750-gigabyte hard drive! No need to go searching for your Post-It-Note-And-Pen External Drive every time you want to “save a file.” You can just… What’s that, Grandpa? You’re feeling the urge to log onto your bathroom.com account? Oh here, let me help you up.

Warranty: 90 Day Samsung

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• Intel’s advanced WiMAX and Wi-Fi combo adapter uses Intel® Centrino® Advanced-N + WiMAX 6250 delivers up to 28 Mbps downlink, up to 8 Mbps uplink over WiMAX (802.16e) and up to 300 Mbps bandwidth over Wi–Fi (802.11a/b/g/n) with unique Intel features
• WiDi ready – Intel Wireless Display lets you view and share content from your hard disk, home network or anywhere a browser can take you on the biggest screen in your home
• Simply connect an adapter to your TV (not included), follow a few simple steps, and you’re off and running
• Intel® Core™ i7-2630QM 2.0GHz Quad-Core processor, 6GB DDR3, 750GB HD, and Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit
• NVIDIA® GeForce GT525M graphics with 1GB dedicated memory delivers superior multimedia and graphics performance for intense 3D gaming or your favorite movie
• Experience the beauty of Blu-ray even when you’re on the go
• Roomy, island-style keyboard design which makes typing easy and comfortable
• Sleek & aluminum refined design
• Powerful 6-Cell Lithium-Ion battery for extended playing time (up to 7 hours)

Additional Photos:

• Top View
• Right Side
• Left Side
• Card Reader
• Rear View
• Keyboard & Touchpad
• Package Contents

In the box:

• Samsung RC512-S01 Laptop with 15.3” HD LED Display
• 6-Cell Lithium-Ion Battery
• AC Adapter

photo credit: Kyknoord

Cozy, Affordable 2BR/0BTH! Move-In Ready!

Ah, that McMansion was too much house anyway.

You won’t catch me complaining about the way my life has gone. No, sir. I don’t miss a thing from those days. Not the six-yacht garage, or the edible Jacuzzi, or the way the chef at my favorite restaurant always knew exactly how I liked my steaks done: medium-well with the hooves left on.

And while I enjoyed my old career as a supermodel agent, I’m also way into my current position refurbishing and reconditioning pre-owned shoelaces. Seriously, I could take a discarded shoelace, slap some new plastic around the tips, tighten up the weave a little, and you’d never know it wasn’t brand-new.

OK, I admit I miss the Jacuzzi sometimes. I don’t know what it was made out of, but it was delicious.

But I can’t complain. Not when I’m living in a sleek, airy, modern 2-bedroom place with welded polyethylene floors, shock-corded fiberglass poles, and large mesh roof vents. You can keep your French doors – Dutch doors are the wave of the future, and I’ve got ‘em. If I stand right in the middle of the floor, the top of my head easily clears the ceiling, just like at my old place. My utility bills are nonexistent. And the easy set-up and Stow ‘n’ Go duffel system means the world is my building lot. Yep, one look at my new digs and you can see I’ve landed on my feet.

Speaking of which, how are you fixed for shoelaces?

Warranty: 10 Year Wenzel

Condition: New

Features:

• Spacious enough to sleep up to seven people comfortably, this tent is a great choice for large families and groups
• Boasts an 18-foot-by-10-foot footprint with a 76-inch center height
• Campers have plenty of room to stretch out, stand, or store their gear
• A breeze to set up, with shock-corded fiberglass poles and a pin-and-ring system
• To keep you cool on warm evenings, the tent offers large mesh roof vents and windows for ample cross-ventilation
• You can even divide the Grand Pass into two rooms to enjoy added privacy
• 2 back-to-back “D-style” Dutch doors for easy entry and exit
• A welded polyethylene floor to keep out water
• Mud Mats to help keep the tent clean
• A hooped fly for additional stability and rain protection
• An integrated Stow ‘n’ Go duffel system that simplifies setup, take down, and storage
• Tent stakes and pole packet unrolls with tent – Fold labels for easy take-down with wrap becoming mud mat

Additional Photos:

• Overhead Pocket - Snack, keys, wallet and iPhone not included.
• Corner Pockets - No, the Costanza wallet is not included, neither are the keys.
• Pole Clip
• Tent Ring / Tent Stake with Tent Poles unattached
• Tent Ring / Tent Stake with Tent Poles in place
• Front View - Doors/Windows Closed - without Rain Fly
• Front View - Windows Opened - without Rain Fly
• Front View - Doors Opened - without Rain Fly
• Front View - Room Divider in place - without Rain Fly
• Back View - Windows Opened - without Rain Fly
• Front View - Doors/Windows Closed - with Rain Fly
• Back View - Windows Closed - with Rain Fly
• You only get the tent. Not all of the other crap.
• Package Contents
• Packaging

Technical Specifications:

• Base: 18’ by 10’
• Center Height: 76 inches
• Interior Space: 170 square feet
• Sleeps: 6-7 people (or more depending on ‘how’ friendly y’all are feeling...)
• Door: 2 D-style
• Windows: Polyester Mesh
• Floor: Welded Polyethylene
• Frame: Shock-Corded Fiberglass

In the box:

• (1) Mountain Trails Grand Pass Family Dome Tent – Model #36446
  - (1) Tent
  - (2) Fiberglass Main Poles
  - (2) Fiberglass Side Poles
  - (1) Fiberglass Fly Pole
  - (1) Room Divider
  - (1) Rain Fly with Attached Guy Ropes
  - (14) Metal Stakes

I’m sorry, Lamar, but as your doctor I must insist you lose some weight.

Bringing your lunch to work is only healthy if you know what you’re doing.

“Honest, Doc. I’ve been trying. I stopped eating out completely! I only eat home-cooked meals for breakfast and dinner!”

But what about lunch?

“I make my own ahead of time! I even bought Igloo MaxCold Vertical Lunch & 12-Can Coolers!”

Right, but what are you putting in the Vertical Lunch?

“Healthy stuff! A plastic container full of salad with low-fat dressing, some vegetables for snacking, a piece of fruit, and if I’m feeling particularly famished maybe some wild-caught Alaskan salmon for protein. This thing can hold a ton of stuff, and it’s got two handles so I can carry it any which way I want. It doesn’t leak, it’s PVC-free, and it’s got 25% more insulation so it keeps everything nice and cool-”

That’s great, Lamar, but I’m not really interested in the lunch container.

“You should be. It’s awesome.”

Well it sounds like you are eating right. You sure you’re not sneaking any candy bars or anything?

“No sir!”

Well I’m not sure how you’re still gaining weight, then.

“Me either! Between the packed lunches and the drinks in my cooler, I’m watching everything I take in!”

Drinks? You’re using the 12-Can Cooler for lunches as well?

“Well sure! Most people use it for tailgating or picnics or whatever, but I enjoy my 12 Coca-Colas on the job.”

You’re…you’re drinking 12 Cokes a day?

“Well, I figure if the cooler only has space for 12 it’s probably not healthy to drink more than that.”

Warranty: Igloo 1 Year Limited

Condition: New

Features:

• Igloo MaxCold Vertical Lunch Cooler and 12-Can Cooler bundle
• Polyethylene foam insulation
• No-leak, heat sealed liner
• Dual-zipper entry
• PVC-Free
• 25% more insulation for superior cooling

MaxCold Vertical Lunch

• Dual-orientation lunch box
• Two handles for carrying upright or horizontal
• Rubberized grip handle
• Includes a large zipper front pocket with organizers and a slip back pocket
• Netted inside pocket with Velcro closure
• Dimensions: 8.5”L x 10”W x 4.25”H

Additional Photos:

• Vertical Lunch Cooler
• Vertical Lunch Front Pocket with Organizers
• Vertical Lunch Interior
• Vertical Lunch Slip Back Pocket

MaxCold 12-Can Cooler:

• A great cooler for game day or an outing with friends… and it fits perfectly in a golf cart
• Allows you to place water bottles and sports drinks upright
• Includes a large, zippered front pocket and a slip back pocket
• An extra-long shoulder strap with cushioned pad makes for easy transport
• Netted inside pocket with Velcro closure
• Dimensions: 10.75”L x 7”W x 11”H

Additional Photos:

• 12-Can Cooler
• 12-Can Cooler Front Pocket
• 12-Can Cooler Slip Back Pocket
• 12-Can Cooler Interior

In the box:

• (1) Igloo 54771 MaxCold Vertical Lunch Cooler
• (1) Igloo 54769 MaxCold 12-Can Cooler

I’m sorry, Lamar, but as your doctor I must insist you lose some weight.

Bringing your lunch to work is only healthy if you know what you’re doing.

“Honest, Doc. I’ve been trying. I stopped eating out completely! I only eat home-cooked meals for breakfast and dinner!”

But what about lunch?

“I make my own ahead of time! I even bought Igloo MaxCold Vertical Lunch & 12-Can Coolers!”

Right, but what are you putting in the Vertical Lunch?

“Healthy stuff! A plastic container full of salad with low-fat dressing, some vegetables for snacking, a piece of fruit, and if I’m feeling particularly famished maybe some wild-caught Alaskan salmon for protein. This thing can hold a ton of stuff, and it’s got two handles so I can carry it any which way I want. It doesn’t leak, it’s PVC-free, and it’s got 25% more insulation so it keeps everything nice and cool-”

That’s great, Lamar, but I’m not really interested in the lunch container.

“You should be. It’s awesome.”

Well it sounds like you are eating right. You sure you’re not sneaking any candy bars or anything?

“No sir!”

Well I’m not sure how you’re still gaining weight, then.

“Me either! Between the packed lunches and the drinks in my cooler, I’m watching everything I take in!”

Drinks? You’re using the 12-Can Cooler for lunches as well?

“Well sure! Most people use it for tailgating or picnics or whatever, but I enjoy my 12 Coca-Colas on the job.”

You’re…you’re drinking 12 Cokes a day?

“Well, I figure if the cooler only has space for 12 it’s probably not healthy to drink more than that.”

Warranty: Igloo 1 Year Limited

Condition: New

Features:

• Igloo MaxCold Vertical Lunch Cooler and 12-Can Cooler bundle
• Polyethylene foam insulation
• No-leak, heat sealed liner
• Dual-zipper entry
• PVC-Free
• 25% more insulation for superior cooling

MaxCold Vertical Lunch

• Dual-orientation lunch box
• Two handles for carrying upright or horizontal
• Rubberized grip handle
• Includes a large zipper front pocket with organizers and a slip back pocket
• Netted inside pocket with Velcro closure
• Dimensions: 8.5”L x 10”W x 4.25”H

Additional Photos:

• Vertical Lunch Cooler
• Vertical Lunch Front Pocket with Organizers
• Vertical Lunch Interior
• Vertical Lunch Slip Back Pocket

MaxCold 12-Can Cooler:

• A great cooler for game day or an outing with friends… and it fits perfectly in a golf cart
• Allows you to place water bottles and sports drinks upright
• Includes a large, zippered front pocket and a slip back pocket
• An extra-long shoulder strap with cushioned pad makes for easy transport
• Netted inside pocket with Velcro closure
• Dimensions: 10.75”L x 7”W x 11”H

Additional Photos:

• 12-Can Cooler
• 12-Can Cooler Front Pocket
• 12-Can Cooler Slip Back Pocket
• 12-Can Cooler Interior

In the box:

• (1) Igloo 54771 MaxCold Vertical Lunch Cooler
• (1) Igloo 54769 MaxCold 12-Can Cooler

All dogs go to Heaven

This Roomba won’t love you the way a dachshund will, but it also won’t break your heart the way a dachshund will.

Yes, I know, I know. This iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum with Virtual Wall cannot fill the emptiness left by my dear dachshunds, but that’s okay. I can’t go through that much pain again.

Of course it’s great for cleaning dirt, debris, dust, and allergens out of my carpet, and sure its ability to detect dirtier areas of the floor is wonderful. Honestly, though, what I appreciate the most about the Roomba is that it senses and avoids stairs and other drop-offs and returns to its self-charging Home Base® to dock and recharge. It shows a quality I always looked for in my dachshunds but never seemed to find: the will to survive.

I can trust the Roomba not to lick the inside of a toaster, like Vincent liked to do, or lick another dachshund while he licked the inside of a toaster, like Claudette liked to do. I can trust the Roomba not to somehow roll my 40 pound weights into the deep end of the pool, and I can trust my Roomba not to then dive after it, trying and failing to bring it to the surface, like Lennox. And I can trust this Roomba not to wander off into the street, like Pierre did, only to get hit by a car, my car, thrown into drive by Terrance, another one of my dachshunds. He just kept driving. The car was found, abandoned just outside of Dayton, Ohio, so Terrance may still be among us, but it is hard to find any joy in this as he is not by my side.

The Roomba won’t greet me when I get home from work, won’t run up to me and lick my knees, won’t curl up with me on the couch while I watch my shows. But I can trust it to be there every afternoon, which was more than I can say for my dachshunds. I’ll always love you and miss you Richard, Tootz, Martine, Opie, Marcel, and Dirk. And Florence and Pat and Yolanda and the other ones that I named Pat and Gregory.

And Tiger and Topher.

Also, Maurice.

Warranty: 90 Day iRobot

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• Efficiently vacuums dirt, debris, pet hair, dust, allergens and more from carpets and hard floors
• Counter rotating Bristle Brush and Beater Brush work together like a dustpan and broom
• Sturdy Bristle Brush digs deep into carpet fibers to grab dirt, debris, pet hair and more
• Powerful vacuum sucks large and small debris into the large, bag-less bin
• Fine filter traps dust, pollen and tiny particulate inside the bin
• Cleans the whole floor, under and around furniture, into corners and along wall edges
• Detects dirtier areas and spends more time cleaning them
• Spot Clean provides quick clean-up of spills and concentrated messes
• Automatically senses and avoids stairs and other drop-offs
• Simple operation—just press the Clean button and Roomba does the rest
• Automatically returns to its self-charging Home Base® to dock and recharge between cleanings
• Faster counter-rotating brushes with improved design pick up more hair and debris and are easier to remove and clean
• Improved filter captures more dust and allergens while a larger bin holds more debris
• Improved anti-tangle technology keeps Roomba from getting stuck on cords, carpet fringe and tassels
• Improved sidebrush makes Roomba even more efficient at cleaning edges and corners

Additional Photos:

• Underbelly
• In Home Base with Virtual Wall
• Virtual Wall
• Package Contents
  

In the box:

• (1) iRobot Roomba 530
• (1) Virtual Wall 
• (1) Self-charging Home Base
• (1) Power Supply (3 hour charge time)
• (1) Rechargeable Battery
• (1) Filter

We Appreciate Your Kandor

The last thing you want to do is leave your feelings for your favorite boss all bottled up.

Hey, boss. Have you got a minute for your, uh, “favorite employee"? Heh.

Yeah, everyone from the mail room on up has been talking about that “World’s Greatest Boss” gift I gave you. Oh, and look, there it is, sitting right there on your desk. I guess you really like that silly old bottled city, huh? Now that you mention it, it is pretty detailed. Life-like, even, as if an alien civilization long destroyed built it themselves and then was miniaturized and placed inside that OH GOSH PLEASE DON’T SHAKE IT PLEASE!

Ahem. Sorry about the outburst, boss. It’s just that… Well, I kinda need it back.

See, the thing is that the gift wasn’t really mine to give. Yeah, it actually belongs to Sup… A pal of mine. A really good pal. See, I was in an awful rush to get you something unique and, well, I kind of swiped it thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal. Turns out it’s a huge deal to my friend. Sorta reminds him of home, you know? And he was pretty upset with me about the whole mess.

But look what I bought for you instead! It’s the Pioneer 5.1 Home Theater Receiver you’re always talking about getting! Really? You haven’t? Huh. I could’ve sworn I’ve heard you mention needing a new Bluetooth compatible receiver equipped with Dolby® TrueHD and DTS-HD® Master Audio Decoders for a while now. Why, just the other day, you said to me, “You’d better bring back some photos of that giant robot, or you’ll be lucky to have a job taking pictures for the Food and Dining section! And boy, I sure wish my old home theater receiver had 4 HDMI 1.4a specification inputs as well as Pioneer’s exclusive Multi-Channel Acoustic Calibration system.” Yep, I’m pretty sure that’s what I heard. There was probably something about the ghost of Caesar in there, too, come to think of it.

Anyway, I’ll just set this here and take that crummy old bottle with me, if you don’t mind, boss. I know I messed up, but I, no, wait, I can get it myself, NO REALLY PLEASE DON’T OH GREAT NOW YOU’RE GLOWING AND SHRINKING. Sigh. I am so going to be fired for this.

Warranty: 1 Year Pioneer

Condition: New

Features:

• Clean, compelling lines that have been streamlined to look as elegant, modern and state-of-the-art as the technology inside
  
• HDMI with 3D, ARC, Deep Color, x.v.Color: Supports the latest HDMI 1.4a specification, so not only do you get the most out of your existing movies and music, you’re prepared for the next generation of 3D video content
• 4 HDMI inputs (4 In / 1 Out): You’ve got plenty of connectivity options for the growing number of high-definition sources available
• Advanced HDMI conveniences: Like Audio Return Channel and HDMI Standby Through
• Dolby® TrueHD and DTS-HD® Master Audio Decoders: Gives your Blu-ray Disc® soundtracks unsurpassed audio quality and also includes all of the Dolby and DTS surround formats best suited for the wide variety of entertainment sources, including the newest Dolby Pro Logic IIz height channel
• Pioneer’s exclusive Multi-Channel Acoustic Calibration system (MCACC): Provides a near studio-quality, multi-channel listening experience customized specifically to your listening environment
• Included microphone: Measures every speaker’s connection, and notes its size, distance from the listening point, sound levels and timbre to calibrate and maximize performance specifically for your room
• Pioneer exclusive Advanced Sound Retriever: Even compressed audio such as WMA, MP3 and AAC is enhanced by filling in areas where minute details were left out during the compression process
• Auto Level Control: Eliminates jarring volume changes between your favorite songs, albums and audio sources by equalizing volume differences between portable audio tracks or television programming
• On-Screen Display: An intuitive on-screen menu for use with the included remote, so you can make guided adjustments to your home theater sound
• Bluetooth® Compatible: Fully ready for wireless Bluetooth audio from virtually any A2DP profile Bluetooth device, including iPod®, iPhone®, iPad®, smartphones, laptops, etc. (Pioneer AS-BT200 Bluetooth adapter required, not included)
• Includes Remote Control
• Owner’s Manual

In the box:

• Pioneer VSX-521-K 5.1 Channel A/V Home Theater Receiver
• Remote Control Unit
• (2) AAA Batteries (For Remote Control)
• Automatic Speaker Calibration Mic
• AM Antenna
• FM Antenna
• Instruction Manual