Fear not, fans of terrible football teams!

Just because you buy a TV doesn’t mean you HAVE to watch crappy football.

So you decided this was the year. You went out, bought yourself a fancy television with some bells and whistles, and called your local cable or satellite dish provider to ask for whatever they call the NFL’s extremely-overpriced programming package to get all the games.

Then your favorite team tanked its first four games and you can’t even bring yourself to watch them any more, because your doctor says the rage is going to induce a heart attack.

That’s why you should have opted for something like this Toshiba 24” LED-LCD DVD Combo! It’s got all the stuff you’re looking for: 1080p HD, Dynalight to automatically adjust the backlight intensity based on what’s on-screen, and a view mode that displays the 3-5% of the image you normally lose during over-scanning on other televisions. The game would look great on it!

But since the team sucks so bad this year, you can pop in a DVD and watch that instead!

Warranty: 1 Year Toshiba

Condition: New

Features:

• 1080p Full HD, the highest level of HD picture quality available today
• Built-in DVD player means no wires, no clutter, and no fuss. Streamline your entertainment and easily pop in your favorite DVDs, transforming your living space into a mini-home cinema
• DynaLight automatically adjusts the backlight intensity based on the image content
• Native mode displays the 3% to 5% of the image that is generally lost during the normal over-scanning that is done in most TVs
• Gaming mode enhances the gaming experience by reducing game controller delay
• USB port allows access to JPEG or MP3 files
• Toshiba is committed to playing a leading role in helping establish a sustainable society with this energy saving TV - Energy Guide

Additional Photos:

• I/O Ports
• Remote Sensor
• Remote Control
• Package Contents
• Packaging

In the box:

• Toshiba 24SLV411U 24” 1080p LED-LCD HDTV with Built-In DVD Player
• Stand with Hardware Screws
• Remote Control
• (2) AAA Batteries
• AC Adapter

photo credit: NathanReed

Be honest: you were expecting some kind of Dropkick Murphys-esque Celtic punk, weren't you? As much as I like 'em, the Commonwealth is more than just Boston, and Boston is more than just Irish guys yelling about Guinness and/or the Patriots. And how can you not appreciate Arlo Guthrie? Okay, he's no Woody, but no one is. And the guy can still write a hell of a song. He might not be a native son, but it's his adopted home and you can tell he loves it. 

This has that typical "You can talk about other places, but they don't have ____" format that a lot of these types of songs take. I've only ever been to Boston, but this makes me want to go back and check out the rest of the state. You know, the good parts. This is a song that makes me think of driving down a country road to a friend's house where we'll have a delicious dinner and go for a walk through the trees, admiring the leaves changing color.

This song's for you, Massachusetts. I'll try not to hold Mitt Romney against you guys any more.

Runner-up: "Massachusetts" by Gene Krupa
Most Ridiculous Suggestion: "Massachusetts" by The Bee Gees

Got a better idea for the Bay State's song? Want to suggest one for next week's piece on Michigan? Let fly in the comments below!

Flickr photo Massachusetts by Doug Kerr used under a Creative Commons License.

That squiggle to your left is a fish, with a meaty center and protective geometric spines. Your goal is to dive into the water, to swim, to hunt the fish and fill your storage bar. Stay under too long and you run out of oxygen, and you start to black out. If you can't make it to the air in time... well, not every Death Olive is cut out for fishing. Some of them have nightmares about the day ahead.

But the fascinating part about Fisher-Diver is how you have to face what it takes to kill a living creature for your own survival. The squiggle fish bleed and squirm, and a poor shot means it's harder to finish them off as they run. If you've ever gone fishing, you know just how gross it can get, and that's something "realistic" fishing games often choose to ignore. These fish aren't clean Space Invaders who vanish with a pop. In this game, you're invading their quiet world.

Now, let's be clear, the game never seems to be judging you. It makes it clear this is your livelihood by demanding you pay for your fishing licenses and your upgrades, and you can't even make Day Two if you just swim politely then leave. Just like a real fisherman, you've got to do what you need to do while still respecting the sea. After a while you start to feel like a Hemingway hero, living up to your family name while trying to master a trade... maybe at the cost of your life.

Just like real fishing, you can run in and brute force everything and end up with scraps, or you can learn the subtle shots that leave you more meat, and more money. You can get just enough, or go for bigger game in the depths. You can take what's easy until it's gone, or you can reason out a balanced strategy that's more sustainable. It's up to you!

If red pixels make you nervous, this isn't the game for you. But if you can handle that life sometimes holds hands with death, Fisher-Diver is a well-made game that plays fair.

Burying The Hatchet

Cheap, but not as cheap as your love for me turned out to be.

Hey, Maria. I know it must be pretty weird getting a package from me left just outside the door of the hotel room you and I were supposed to be enjoying the first night of our married life together in. Imagine how weird it was for me to hear you and Steve (His name is Steve, right? Everything happened so fast, you know?) had the solid brass nerves to stay there! But it’s cool. Sure, your decision to leave me at the altar and crush my heart and dreams simultaneously in front of our friends and family was rough, but I figure there’s no reason to be bitter about it. You’re obviously happier and I, probably after a lot of time and therapy, will be, too. Eventually. I guess. Why hold grudges?

So, you’re not going to find some crazy cry for help or something in the little box attached to this letter. No, I’m taking the high road and giving you the Flip MinoHD 4GB Camcorder (current generation, by the way) I bought to capture all of the amazing honeymoon moments I was sure we were going to have together. You know, as a married couple. See, after I heard that you took the tickets to Mexico so that you and Scott (Samuel? Sancho?) could run off there, I figured I sure as heck didn’t need to record high-quality H.264 videos in 16:9 widescreen and HD 720p at 60 frames per second. You two probably need 4GB of internal storage and a rechargeable internal Lithium-ion battery as you start your new life together. Oh, and don’t worry about the cost, ‘cause this thing was a steal at only forty bucks! It was totally the least expensive thing associated with the Wedding That Didn’t Happen that I spent a few thousand dollars paying for. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Just remember to upload your videos using the pre-loaded FlipShare™ software so you can post them to Facebook™, Twitter™ and YouTube™, okay? That way if people ask me uncomfortable questions about what happened, I can just provide them a link to a web page!

Just one thing, though: you’ll probably want to delete the hour long video of me sitting on the steps of the church screaming “WHY?” and pleading with God himself to bring you back at the top of my lungs until the cops showed up. You could watch it on the 2” anti-glare color display, sure, but it might only bring you and Sean (Seth? Scout?) down. And hey, let’s all get coffee or something together when you get back into town, okay? I’ll even bring all two hundred and fifty of the special “Maria and David FOREVER” candle holders you picked out so you can have them. After all, that’s what friends do for each other, right?

Warranty: 1 Year Cisco

Condition: New

Features:

• Shoot up to 1 hour of incredible HD video on the easy-to-use MinoHD
• Pre-loaded FlipShare™ software makes it simple to organize, edit and share your videos
• The sleek and slim design fits in any pocket or purse so you can carry it anywhere
• Power on, press record and start filming – it’s that simple
• Comes with 4GB of built-in memory; no additional memory needed
• Charge the internal Lithium-Ion battery through the built-in USB arm; also recharges quickly when connected to Flip Video Power Adapter (not included)
• Watch your videos on the 2” anti-glare color display
• Connect the flip-out USB arm directly into your PC or Mac to launch pre-loaded FlipShare software
• Use FlipShare software to organize and edit your videos, capture photos, add your own music, and create custom movies
• Watch your videos on your HDTV by connecting your MinoHD to your HDTV with the Flip Video Cables HDMI (not included) or wirelessly through FlipShare TV (not included)
  
• Flat-back panel with touch-sensitive, backlit buttons
• Records high-quality H.264 videos that are compatible with most video-playing applications, including Windows Media Player, QuickTime Player and iTunes
• Video: 16:9 widescreen, HD 720p (1280 x 720) at 60 frames per seconds (fps) progressive scan; recorded as MP4 files
• Organize your videos by dragging and dropping into folders you’ve created, or use the automatic date-stamped folders
• Create video greeting cards or use the Magic Movie feature to make movies with the click of a button
• Capture photos using the easy Snapshot feature: You can grab a still-image photo from any of the 60 frames that comprise each second of your video
• Share videos privately using FlipShare’s attachment-free email or by creating Flip Channels; post publicly with direct video shares to Facebook™, Twitter™ and YouTube™
• Dimensions: 3.94” x 1.97” x 0.63”
• User’s Guide

Additional Photos:

• USB Arm Extended
• HDMI Port & Tripod Mount
• Power Button
• Package Contents
• Packaging

In the box:

• Flip M3160B MinoHD 4GB 60min Camcorder
• Soft Protective Case
• Wrist Strap
• User Guide

Clearly, what I’m getting at here is that organization is the key to success. And if you want to organize stuff at your business, you’re going to need some filing cabinets. I shared the above anecdote from my life because filing cabinets are basically a dresser drawer for your business’s underwear – documents and files that comfort and protect your business’s metaphorical junk. (Important Note: DON’T wear any of your business’s documents as underwear because then if someone pulls down your pants as a prank, it could be considered insider trading...)

But here’s the thing about filing cabinets: everyone files their stuff the same way, alphabetically. This makes sense because it means you can hire new employees and they will automatically understand your system. But, on the other hand, if a spy from a rival company sneaks into your office, he can also crack the code. So to defend yourself, you’ll need to come up with a new filing system that will be clear to you and your employees but not spies, and we here at Sean University have a few ideas to get you started:
 
The Nude Photos System: You take folders and label them “totally naked supermodels,” “mostly naked super models,” “partially naked super models,” “clothed super models,” and “normal people in turtlenecks.” Then arrange your documents in these folders with least important documents going in the folders implying the most nudity and vice versa. Any spy who comes in will get distracted by the folders that say “totally naked supermodels,” but once he opens it, he’ll think, “These people think boring, unimportant business documents are sexy? Wow, I’d hate to see how lame the ‘normal people in turtlenecks’ folder is.” And then he’ll leave.  (Important Note: this system can totally backfire if your rival company employs a bunch turtleneck pervs as their spies.)

The Egg Beaters System: This is one of the simplest but also most expensive option. Basically, it works like this – you leave all your important documents filed the same way as before, but you add three more filing cabinets which you fill with egg beaters. Arrange the room so that these three are closest to the door. Then, if a spy shows up and starts going through your stuff, he’ll check the first few filing cabinets and think, “oh, this must be the room where they file their egg beaters, not their important documents.”

The Poisonous Snake System: Like the Egg Beaters System, this is a pretty simple solution, but unlike the egg beaters system, you don’t need to buy three extra filing cabinets. Just leave everything the same and then put one poisonous snake in each filing cabinet, so if someone breaks in, he’ll get bit! (Important Note: in order for this system to work, all employees must be snake charmers.)

The No Information System: This one is probably the most intriguing: all you need to do is run a business where you don’t do anything. Then if a spy shows up, there will be nothing for him to spy on. If you figure out how to run a business that doesn’t do anything but still makes enough money to stay in business, please contact me. I’d like to hear about that.

So we showed you ours, now you show us yours in the comments. Um, ideas for filing systems, that is.


 

The very first computer I ever touched was an Apple ][, it’s a pretty common statement among people my age. I used to walk down the block to my friend’s house and we’d play video games all day. It’s funny to think of now, but in the early 80s, Apple dominated the gamer’s market, and that lead didn’t vanish until the Apple Board of Directors fired Steve and decided to go their own way. Probably they had good reasons, because everyone’s heard how the man could be a total jerk, but without him the company sort of floundered. They still had some great concepts, like the handheld Newton and the early Powerbook, and we all know that twenty years later those ancestors would evolve to the backbone of the Apple line. But without Steve’s magic, nobody seemed to care, and all those cool ideas were just for nerds...

People have talked about Jobs and his “reality distortion field” many times. Maybe it was some magic power he picked up in the 60s. But more likely was that Steve was a rare human being, a person who was comfortable with the computer world AND had an innate understanding of what it meant to be cool. And this is why, when Steve came back to a weakened Apple, he made a tiny change that instantly reworked the brand. He brought style.

If you’re touching a computer right now, and it isn’t a hazy beige, you owe Steve Jobs a debt. If you aren’t typing command line, you owe Steve Jobs a debt. If you started programming in Applesoft BASIC, or if you’re happier without a floppy drive, or if your computer looks like a part of the room instead of some looming outsider, you definitely owe Steve Jobs a debt. And that’s not even getting into his many other fields of interest.

We know as well as anyone that your brand is only as much fun as its marketing. We certainly try to be honest in our writeups, but our first goal is to entertain, because that’s what people like the best. Steve Jobs seemed to understand that nobody watched TV for pure information, and if you didn’t give them a story, they’d just wander away. Compare these two ad campaigns and you’ll see clearly the difference the man brought to his company.

That’s perhaps what was the most amazing thing about Steve. He didn’t just shake up one field, he shook up them ALL. Take a look at the coverage all around the net, or the feelings he’s generated on Twitter, or the stories on various blogs or magazines. Each one starts the same, and then talks about something different. “Steve changed movies” and “Steve changed education” and “Steve was about design” and “Steve brought accessibility” and “Steve changed the music industry” and so much more. Rarely can a person be eulogized in so many different ways and have them all be correct.

You can’t say the Internet is in mourning today, because most of us didn’t lose a friend. We’re jaded, we’ve seen it all, we know Steve saw us as dollar signs in a ledger. But if that’s so, please pass the offering plate again because no one more deserved our money. Steve used those dollars to push technology, design, usability, and interaction, and even the hardest, most cynical PC users are still grudgingly admitting that Steve Jobs died too young, and that he could have done more.

Steve Jobs, without you, we probably wouldn’t be in the tech industry, and @Wootlive would have nothing to say on Twitter. Thank you for what you gave us, and thank you for what you changed, and we hope you maybe noticed our jokes and our praise, and it made you smile at least once or twice. You gave all of us here so much more than we can repay. Rest in peace.

What have Steve Jobs and Apple meant to you over the years? Let us know below...

After The Divorce

Glow sticks are the perfect way to keep your child safe… while still making an indirect comment about the state of the music industry.

Hello, Barry? It’s Irene. No, don’t “Irene who” me, Barry, it’s your ex-wife Irene. Yeah, THAT Irene, exactly. The one raising your kid. Your kid who is currently trying to shave a bald spot into the top of her head so that she can go trick-or-treating as “a raver who didn’t know when to quit.”

Barry, I don’t care how many times you turned down Pitchfork when they begged you to write for them, this is our daughter! And maybe you see a pack of twenty four 4” Glow Sticks as some post-ironic way to make a statement about why Nirvana is more important than Kanye West or something… no, Barry, that wasn’t an invitation to start explaining things to me because I don’t care. What I care about is keeping our daughter safe on Halloween, and that’s why I bought these glow sticks in the first place!

They’re easy to activate, and they all have lanyards and a hanger so I can tie them to her jacket or just let her hold them, and then I can see her from the other side of the lawn. I figured they might also be fun for slumber parties and- Barry, look, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter that Lady Gaga is just following the imagery previously laid out by David Bowie, nobody cares about that, Barry. Do you know what your daughter wanted to be two weeks ago? A fairy princess! And then you took her to that record fair and she comes home talking about, hang on, what did you say, darling? Oh, right, thank you, she said she wants to “explore a KLF-like deconstruction of the concept of past-its-prime Detroit Techno in an era when sampling has rendered genre obsolete.” Yes, I fully believe that YOU don’t see anything wrong with that idea, Barry, but she’s eight! EIGHT! For her, twenty four glow sticks shouldn’t be deconstructing anything! They should just be plain and simple fun!

Look, seriously, I. Do. Not. Care what Lester Bangs would have said about this. Just tell your daughter you think it’s okay that she wants to dress up like a fairy princess and let her have a Halloween without losing all her friends. No, Barry, it doesn’t matter how you justify it to yourself as a critic. Put on a copy of Lionheart or something. Just get it done, okay? Okay, thank you. I’ll bring her by after dinner so you can talk. We’ll see you then, Barry. Goodbye.

Condition: New

Recommended Ages: 3 Years and Up

Features:

• Great for parties, celebrations, camping, outdoor activities and much more
• Perfect for Halloween!
• Easy to Use: Just bend and shake to activate glow stick
• Each Glow Stick has a lanyard and hanger for easy wearability or attachment
• Lanyard has a break-away safety clasp
• Hanger is able to be removed
• 2 Glow Sticks per pack- 12 packs total

Additional Photos:

• We can't hear you over the insanely loud bass!
• Glow Sticks with Hangers (attached) and Lanyards
• Package Contents
• Packaging

Technical Specifications:

• Glow Stick Dimensions: 4” L x 0.38” D
• Lanyard Length: 25”

Important Safety Information

• Keep product in its original foil package until ready to use. Do not puncture or cut plastic tube. Contents are non-flammable and non-toxic but may permanently stain clothing and furniture. Do not leave glow stick in direct sunlight or expose to high temperatures. In case of skin or eye contact, rinse thoroughly with water. Ingredients will not cause injury to the eye, but may cause temporary discomfort. Do not drink or ingest.

In the box:

• Darice 4” Assorted Color Glow Sticks w/ Lanyards & Hangers - 24 Count (12 2-Packs)
  - (2) Yellow Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Green Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Red Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Purple Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Orange Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
  - (2) Blue Glow Sticks – 2 Packs

CHICAGO (UPI) -- Chicago rocker Jim Peterik says he is striking a blow for songwriters everywhere by pursuing the full rights to his 1982 hit "Eye of the Tiger."

Lawyers hope to settle the case pre-trial, but are prepared to start a montage sequence if forced.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) Stephen King is writing a follow-up to his 1977 horror classic "The Shining."

Horror fans are said to be amazed how the master can generate such fear in a single sentence.

LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- "Arrested Development" creator Mitch Hurwitz says his U.S. comedy series is returning to television for a limited time.

Television experts note that, technically, it did that the first time too.

CUPERTINO, California (Reuters) The tech titan's newest iPhone left Wall Street and fans wishing for more than a souped-up version of last year's device, igniting a rare storm of criticism and disappointment on the Internet.

Online sources were shocked today to learn that Reuters reporters don't seem to know that "Internet" is actually a synonym for "criticism and disappointment".

LONDON (UPI) -- The previously unpublished first novel of Sherlock Holmes creator Arthur Conan Doyle has been published in London more than a century after it was written.

Critics say the kid might have a future.

Oh quit whining.

Look, do you want a dentist who’s conventional or a dentist who gets the job done?

Just calm down, Jerry. I know it can be tough adjusting to a new dentist, but I assure you I’m completely qualified to-

“Get the hell away from me with that thing!”

Relax! This is just a SOG PowerLock EOD Multi-Tool with a Leather Sheath. I use it all the time.

“You’re insane!”

Am I? Would you rather I use a drill? A tiny, diamond-tipped drill spinning at thousands of RPM? That sounds safer to you?

“I don’t know. I just figured you’d use, like…dental instruments.”

Nah! This has everything I need! I’ve got pliers, grippers, wire cutters-

“Why would you need wire cutters?!”

Better to have ‘em and not need ‘em! Now come on, let’s take a look at that abscess.

“What is that?!”

This? This is just a crimper. It’s not gonna hurt you.

“It’s not?”

No. I’m not even gonna use it! Now the awl; that’s probably gonna hurt.

Warranty: Limited Lifetime SOG

Condition: New

Features:

• Using the proven PowerLock chassis, SOG is the only company to apply Compound Leverage technology to Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD)
• Compound Leverage generates more plier gripping, wire cutting, and wire crimping power than all other designs
• Positioning the crimper device within the confines of the handles serves to minimize collateral damage to the crimper and allows the operator to have full use of the uninterrupted plier surface
• The crimper produces non-flaring, high pull-out strength crimps that meet government fuse well specifications
• The Double Tooth Saw design features an alternating tooth design that allows the saw to grip while, at the same time, reducing friction for optimal performance
• Multi-Tool Components: pliers, grippers, wire cutters, crimpers, blast cap crimper, handle covers, piano locks, ruler, 2.5” wood saw, awl, large screwdriver, Philips screwdriver, can opener/small screwdriver, 3-sided file, scissors, 1/4” socket drive, bottle opener/medium screwdriver and 1/2 serrated blade

Additional Photos:

• SOG PowerLock EOD Multi-Tool
• Compound Leverage
• Handle Cover
• Piano Locks
• Package Contents
• Packaging

Specifications:

• Closed: 4.6”
• Open: 7”
• Weight: 9.6 oz
• Head Type: Needle Nose
• Steel: Stainless
• Finish: Black Oxide
• Sheath: Leather

In the box:

• SOG B61L PowerLock EOD Multi-Tool
• Leather Sheath